Property jokes

Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.

Not to mention and by plane.

"Hipity hopity, get the f*ck off my property!"

Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?

They don't know what a house is.

I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence!

What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?

A magic house 🏡 can fly, and a human can walk.

A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.

Chemistry joke: Why did the Superman being normal people when a krypton was at him?

Because krypton is "stable."

This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

Have you ever walked into Jason Fraser’s house?

Neither has he.

Be careful around fire, plastic melts.

Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!

What do you call a house that isn't a house?

Not a house.

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?

Because it was over 10 years old.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.

I said to the fish, "I have dam."