How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?
What is a home that can fly?
A magic house!
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
Chemistry joke: Why did the Superman being normal people when a krypton was at him?
Because krypton is "stable."
hipity hopity get the fuck off my property
What do you call a house that isn't a house?
Not a house.
Why can't you go home tonight? Because you haven't got a home, it's moved.
The reason why women have suffered longer than men is because men are using women and abusing them as tools and property, which they aren’t.
During WWII, women were used every day by evil men for not being able to have sex with their wives, and Muslim women are being raped, women children are being raped every day while you fucking turds of human shit are making jokes of issues that need to stop, so stop with the homophobia, Islamophobia, biphobia and all the other phobias, make sexual harassment, assault and rape victims' voices heard, we will not stay silent because of this shitty app!
Also, God created women equally as men, do not mistreat your sisters, mothers, aunts, mother-in-laws. Hope all you rapists, sexual abusers, sexual assaulters rot in hell where you deserve to be, not in this country or any other place, hell is where you belong. 😡🤬🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿
You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
What can you do for a magic house?
Make it fly!
What kind of house 🏠 can fly? A magic house 🏠!
"Hippoty hoppity, women are property."
Bippity Boppity,
Women are property.
