Profession jokes
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.
Hi 👋! I love 💕 you! Ooooooo!
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The doorbell repairer.
Memes
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Spice
Why does an orphan want to be a prostitute?
Because they want to call someone "daddy."
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
What do you call a black astronaut? A black astronaut, you racist.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get a degree in RHYMEOLOGY!