Profession jokes
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
Why did the rapper become a weatherman?
To predict the HEAT of his next single.
The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
MC Cheffin'.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
Leo must be an INTERIOR DECORATOR... because when she enters a room, it becomes UGLY.
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
My career is worth more than your adoption.
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
FIRST DATE
Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."