A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"
"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."
"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"
A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."
So I'm the Cable Guy around the neighborhood and I do everybody's table so I walked into this one house and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs I was asking where her mom was and she wasn't answering and it looked like something was wrong so I asked if anything was wrong she didn't answer so I kind of raise my voice at her but she still didn't answer and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18 - 24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills she would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
I lick poo for a living... You?
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
What is burned dark and glued to the wall?
A bad electrician.
So if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
