There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?
Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
What was the name of a Roman guide?
Guide Gius.
What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?
The frog might be on his way to a gig!
Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
Why does an orphan want to be a prostitute
Because they want to call someone daddy
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
My career is worth more than your adoption.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
I want to be a pilot.
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
FIRST DATE
Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
