Profession jokes
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
3.14% of sailors are pirates.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."