Profession jokes
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
Will Will Smith smith?
Yes, Will Smith will smith.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."