A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
I lick poo for a living... You?
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
What do you call a dev that is dead?
A deadveloper.
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
