Prison jokes

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

Student one orphan: I don't have any.

Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

Student one orphan: What!

Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

The doctor gave me 6 months to live.

So I shot him.

Judge gave me 20 years.

Problem solved.

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

How do you escape a French prison?

Yell angrily in German!

Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.

What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.

A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?

Because he is in a prison cell.

Why did the orphan drop the soap in prison? So he can have a prison daddy.

What’s the difference between jail and my basement?

Some people are let out of jail.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

What do you call a Mexican's prison?

The border.

One thing about disabled people is they never set foot in prison.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?

The prisoner.

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.

Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.