Prettiness jokes

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

I find this website. I see this person named Gwen. I simp for her, but just for a troll. Next thing I know, we're somehow dating? Then her ex comes in and dates her again. Apparently, he is gay, and I'm pretty sure Gwen could be a boy, but he or she has 3 friends who always back her up, just to let y'all know this isn't really supposed to be a dating app or drama app, it's a joke app, and this isn't really a joke. But one last thing, you guys are all b*tches...

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

Do you play COC?

Because it’s a pretty good game.

Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...

The steaks were pretty high.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.

You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green."

"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

"Get out of my store you grigger!"

"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

My dad has a pretty shitty job.

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.