Prettiness Jokes

What happens when animals do a squat?

It doesn't become pretty...

I work at a tire shop I'm pretty tired

One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like "dude, this can't be healthy." But he said "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?" Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?" Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..." Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then". He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!" Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

I'm no an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology

You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

An old man gets the call from the IRS The man on the phone says, “we’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.

The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office and the man there says,”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies,”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says,”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says,”alright last chance. I bet you 50,000 i can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agents desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “haha! I got you now!” But the mans lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands and says,”He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

i know ur hairlines pretty bent but ur genders on a different level.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever it was pretty radical dude.

it would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. it would be prety funy I think lol. just a little funny lol

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number. We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?

HO, HO, HO!

Your pretty let me take you on a date sike I lied your ugly and fried what you talking about

So I was at the store and I saw a pretty Woman and i said hi and quickly she said i am not interested I have a husband and when i saw the woman again she said i need help i said no Call you husband KARMA 😂😂😜