Pregnancy jokes
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.
I don't like condoms, but I like gay pregnant X.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
Jakob's life.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Mamma mia abortion clinic!
Your loss is our sauce.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."
What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?
Her miscarriage.
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
"Yeetus to the fetus."