Pregnancy jokes
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?
Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.
What starts with "M" and ends in "arrige" and is a man's favorite thing?
Miscarriage, this joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
What day are twins born the most?
Toos-day.
A father of a young girl comes to meet the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried!
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
1+1=3, just add 9 months.