Pregnancy jokes
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
When you pull out, but the baby's face turns blue.
What is black and white and red all over?
An interracial abortion.