Pregnancy jokes
I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
Q. What's red and crawls up your leg?
A. A homesick abortion.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."
"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"
"We're going with Trevor."
"Ok, what if it's a girl?"
"Then we'll have an abortion."
What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?
"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
What's dumb?
The Fetus Deletus joke!
Fucking hate that joke....