Pregnancy jokes
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."
"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"
"We're going with Trevor."
"Ok, what if it's a girl?"
"Then we'll have an abortion."
What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?
"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
What's dumb?
The Fetus Deletus joke!
Fucking hate that joke....
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
Mom, I’m pregnant.
Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.