Pregnancy

Pregnancy jokes

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A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.

After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"

The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"

The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"

"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.

The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.

"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.

"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.

"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.

"I was on top!"

All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.

"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.

"I'm having puppies!"

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

  • 5

    • Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

    A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

    "Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

    "We're going with Trevor."

    "Ok, what if it's a girl?"

    "Then we'll have an abortion."

    What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

    "Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

    How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

    When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

  • 3

    • Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?

    A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.

  • 2

    • Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

    Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭

    I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.

    How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."