Politics jokes
Okay, the joke's over. Bring back Trump!
What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?
1. It stands for inflation.
2. It limits production.
3. It encourages cooperation.
4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Abortion is bad.
If Emma Feel had a penny every time someone gave her head, she would have enough to make Mark Zuckerberg and Trump her third-legged bitch.
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
Why is the UK bad at chess?
Because they have no queen.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.
Why is Biden a priest?
So kids call him father.
What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
Are we supposed to submit jokes?
This website.
Also, how did Trump's wall let this website in?
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.