Politics jokes
What's Hitler's favorite letter? Not Z.
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.
So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”
Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!
Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.
There used to be two of them, now it's a sensitive subject.
Why did the plane cross the sky?
To hit the Twin Towers...
What do you call a Democrat that is a progressive?
A Democrat that lost in a presidential election.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
Q: Why is America bad at chess?
A: Because they already lost two towers.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
What do the initials NOW stand for?
(A.) National Organization For Women
(B.) National Organization of Whores
(C.) All the above
Answer:
Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.
Trump likes to grab 'em by the pussy. Putin likes to grab them by their tiny hands.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
Osama bin Laden back from the dead!!! 💣💣💣💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🌇
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.