Politics jokes
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
So, y'all remember Hitler, right?
Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
What is the difference between Obama and Osama?
Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
What did the SS say when A.H. was running out of ideas?
"You Wannsee my 'final solution'?"
Shia Mehdi unlived by beard guy looooool 🤨
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?
What does Joe Biden call a room full of kids? A toy room.
If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.
What does BLM stand for?
Black Lust Matters.
I found a child on the street homeless, and they were really nice, so I took them home. Then I said, "Who's better, Biden or Trump?" They said they support Trump. They are now dead in my basement and have been for 3 years.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.
Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
Neither of them respect boundaries.
Alberta.
The only province where the Premier wears anal beads around her neck.