Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
Politics Jokes
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...
The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971, and the Libertarian Party has lost every presidential election since 1972, and according to the Libertarian Party the Libertarian Party is the only political party in the United States that is the party of principle. If the Libertarian Party is the party of principle then why hasn't the Libertarian Party won a presidential election since 1972?
Because it is politically motivated.
Why is Russia invading Ukraine?
«Мы хотим вернуть Советский Союз!»
Why is America so bad at chess?
They lost both of their towers.
Trump, must I say more?
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.
Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.
In 2021, we won't need an April Fool's prank. Just think of Joe Biden and call it a day.
Obama was America's first black president, and Trump was their first orange one.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?
A school shooting.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What is the difference between Joe Biden and a knife?
A knife has a point.
