Politics jokes
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
George Floyd is truly breathtaking.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.
Memes
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...
The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971, and the Libertarian Party has lost every presidential election since 1972, and according to the Libertarian Party the Libertarian Party is the only political party in the United States that is the party of principle. If the Libertarian Party is the party of principle then why hasn't the Libertarian Party won a presidential election since 1972?
Because it is politically motivated.
Why is America so bad at chess?
They lost both of their towers.
Why is Russia invading Ukraine?
«Мы хотим вернуть Советский Союз!»
Trump, must I say more?
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.
Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
In 2021, we won't need an April Fool's prank. Just think of Joe Biden and call it a day.