What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."
What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?
The class divides.
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
The S in America stands for safe.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.
Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?
“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”
👱♀️ 👱♂️What is the difference between two blondes and a Libertarian?
A Libertarian hasn't won a presidential election since 1972, and two blondes are too stupid to run in a presidential election.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
Official flag of Great Britain? The Union Jack.
Official flag of Australia? The Southern Cross.
Official flag of Canada? The Maple Leaf.
Official flag of Japan? The Sun.
Official flag of Orange County, California? The Nazi Symbol.
America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.
