My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
Everything is made in China... except for baby girls.
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.
Donald Trump: "I play Fortnite just to build walls."
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone.
He is now playing the whore-monica.
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
Why is Hitler better than Biden?
Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
