Politics jokes
What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?
A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.
A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
Are we supposed to submit jokes?
This website.
Also, how did Trump's wall let this website in?
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
I don't like Trump because he has ruined my kind's greatest man, Donald Duck.
What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?
An AK-BAR 47.
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?
Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.
So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?
Because they never take a chill pill.
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
What is anonymous 🤔 oral masturbation? the politically correct word for anonymous gay fellatio from a 🕳 glory hole inside a 📖 adult book store
What is a Mexican's only obstacle?
Border patrol.
Like if you're voting Trump 2024! WOOOOO!