Politics jokes
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
If Italy attacked France from the rear, would Greece help?
What do you call an angry Texan?
A Confederate leader.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
I thought it was polite to open the door for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.
What do you call a fat, ugly, and hairy woman with a rape whistle? A feminist.
What is Donald Trump's favorite game?
Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
What's Joe Biden's favorite arcade game?
Space Invaders.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.