Politics jokes

What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

A pair of Caesars.

What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

I thought it was polite to open the door for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?

Because they have a supreme ruler.

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"

If I'm racist for voting Trump, then you're a pedophile for voting Biden.

Why are Trump's ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?

Because they don't have soul.

What do you call a fat, ugly, and hairy woman with a rape whistle? A feminist.

What is Donald Trump's favorite game?

Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.

What do you call a Mexican's prison?

The border.

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

What's Joe Biden's favorite arcade game?

Space Invaders.

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.

Corona did what Trump promised.

Government Briefing:

Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...

...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.