Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
"Iβm on a hunt for my wifeβs murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wifeβs been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. Iβm still looking for him."
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!
So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.
Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said Iβm so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Your nan
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he cant get 5 stars because he ain't wanted
Police: Come with me, Iβm taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I donβt need to take you home.
