So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
A Pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly the man answers I dont wake up the kids.
What did the rape victim give to her rapist?
Head
i went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there, i still dont know who snitched...
how did we know princess Diana had dandruff.. cos the police found her head and shoulders on the dash
*a married woman gets hit by a truck and the cops tell her husband Cop: sir, it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck Man; I know but she has a great personality
if being sexy were a crime you better lock me up. not because I'm sexy but because I have 5 dead children in my basement
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
A panda walks into a restaurant orders some food and eats it. Once he was done he shoots the waiter then leaves. Police and detectives arrive at the scene, they ask the waiter "who did this to you? what happened?" The waiter replies "A panda, eats shoots and leaves"
why cant orphan be robbers cause they're not wanted
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
Shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store. He was asked to give an EGGsplanation.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person, when the police asked why he missed, someone said cause he gay.
He couldn't shoot straight
i really wasnt planning on going for a run today, but damn those cops came put of nowhere’s
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said...... It’s a wood hulem
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling QUACK
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
