Police

Police jokes

Rape

    • A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.

    After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."

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    • Basement

    • Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

    Officer: You OK, kid?

    Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

    Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

    When officer leaves:

    Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

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    • Prick

    • Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

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    • Police memes

    Police Officer

    • Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

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    • Shooting

    • A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

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    • Prison

    • Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

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    • Guy

    • A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

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    • Turtle

    • A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

    Chicken

    • *WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

    What came first? The chicken or the egg?

    Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

    Who taught the first ever teacher?

    If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

    If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

    In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

    Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

    How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

    The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

    Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

    Is it possible to cry underwater?

    If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

    I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

    Cop

    • How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

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    • People

    • These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

    And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

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