Police jokes
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
WTF is going on in texas
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.
"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
What do orphans and police not have in common?
The police can actually go home.
Why did the orphan play GTA? So he could get wanted.
Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.