Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train. The guy sitting next to him says I have a big dick. The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
*a married woman gets hit by a truck and the cops tell her husband Cop: sir, it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck Man; I know but she has a great personality
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Police: Where do u live Me: With my parents Police: Where your parents live Me: With me Police: Where do you all live Me: Together Police: where is your house Me: Next to my neighbor Police: Where is your neighbor’s house Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling QUACK
I was arrest for eating to much crack on accident. How? My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb.
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
chuck Norris get`s pulled over by cop and the cop gets a ticket
What’s the difference between 911 and a abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
A police officer said to a belly button you're under abreast
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
If cops are called pigs then security guards are piglets
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested
A depressed man was caught on top of the empire state building with marijuana, needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
