Police jokes
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.