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Train

    • Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

    After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

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    Bird

    • Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:

    "Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."

    Anyone know what bird that is?

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    • Finger

    • I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

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    • Dog

    • I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.

    He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.

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    • Bird

    • So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.

    And I asked him what he is doing.

    Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.

    Me: Erm... Are you a simp?

    Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.

    KG: You have it?

    Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?

    KG: Sure!

    KG then went to her room.

    Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-

    KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.

    KG: Have fun playing with them!

    Guy: WHAT THE FU-

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