Play jokes

Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

Girl: Boys are like sports, they get played.

Boy: Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Why can't orphans play Monopoly?

Because they can't put a house.

What is playing with you?

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!

Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.

One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"

The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."

After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."

The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"

After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.

The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."

The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."

The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."

The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."

The first kid then says: "I know, right?"

They then begin a snowball fight.

The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"

The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”

Why can’t he just speak plain English?

Tonight I'm making a fort. I'm calling it Fortnite.

I was playing basketball and a guy in a wheelchair asked if he could play.

I looked at him and told him that we are looking for ankle breakers, yours are already broken.

Why can’t American people play chess?

Because they lost their towers.

You look like you're playing hide-and-seek with your hairline.

Le fish de la toilette.

[Plays french music]

If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?

Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?

He was playing with too many strokes.

Why do apple trees like emo kids?

Because they like to play yoyo with them.

Why did the orphan not play baseball? Because he couldn't find home.

What's the song that plays at the very end of the movie, Dr. Strangecow, during the montage of nuclear blasts?

"Veal meat again, don't know where, don't know when..."

How does a disabled person play chess?

I think you forgot they don't have legs.

I was playing Fortnite with a kid, then I heard their emo sister in the background, and it sounded like they were playing Fortnite, too, with the pistol shot and all.