1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
I fucking love rhubarbs.
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On a school bus, the pricks are on the inside.
Balloon 1: Watch out for cactus!
Balloon 2: Where is cactussssssss?
If you have emo grass and don't pay attention to it, it will cut itself.
"Where do young trees go to learn?"
"Elementree school."
Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals!
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
Why did Karen leave me?
Because I was a mushroom.
What is the difference between a car and a tree 🌲? A tree 🌳 can not drive but a car 🚗 can drive
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.
"Popcorn" means "Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany."
"HO" means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.
It's amazing how BLESSEDBRIAN manages to keep his head in the clouds while his FEET are FIRMLY PLANTED in mediocrity.
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an apology.
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.
*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****
