Plant jokes
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!
Why did the koala go to bed?
Because it was leafing.
Q: What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?
A: Apples get picked! 😱
There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?
The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
If a tree could be any animal, what would it be?
Answer: A dog because of its bark lol. 😀
If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears!
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.