Plant jokes
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
Why did the koala go to bed?
Because it was leafing.
My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!
Q: What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?
A: Apples get picked! 😱
There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?
The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!
Yo mama so stupid she thought seaweed was something fish smoke.
What happened when the corn got scolded? He got an earful!