Plane jokes

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

"Twins sitting in class."

Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"

Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.

The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.

It was just a prank, and stop calling our humor "plane." In our opinion, it's fire.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

What do maths and 9/11 have in common?

They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.

Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?

“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”

What did the plane say to the tower?

"Give me a kiss."

I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.