Pig jokes

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

Pigs in a blanket.

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?

One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.

What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.

You look as fat as a pig.

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.

3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.

6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.

7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.

8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.

11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).

12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.

16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...

I am so disappointed in this race.

Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.

Enyaw’s fanny smells of dirty, moist, fishy, rotten egg, dead Elizabeth, pig dick, cow cum filth.

Dirty bitch!

What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?

They're both fat.

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

Teacher: What does the pig's skin do?

Student: It keeps pig skin together! 😂

What did the pig say when he was in the sun?

I'm bacon.

What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.

Yo mama is so dumb, she'll watch edited Peppa Pig all day long.

Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?

She doesn't eat pigs.

There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok.