Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.
Real emo: same.
Fake emo: another piece of cake.
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"
The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
Hitler only wanted peace.
A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, and a piece of Turkey.
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.
But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.
I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)
