Piece jokes

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...

A piece of cake.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

Me: *posts random joke about a duck*

That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."

That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."

Bro it’s a joke...

I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.

It's just too tear-able.

Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?

Daniel: Isn’t it the women?

Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.

I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.

Real emo: same.

Fake emo: another piece of cake.

I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

Hitler only wanted peace.

A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, and a piece of Turkey.

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

Being the first to move in chess.

It’s a white privilege.

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.

When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.