Piece jokes

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...

A piece of cake.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

Me: *posts random joke about a duck*

That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."

That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."

Bro it’s a joke...

I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.

It's just too tear-able.

Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?

Daniel: Isn’t it the women?

Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.

I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.

Real emo: same.

Fake emo: another piece of cake.

I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

Being the first to move in chess.

It’s a white privilege.

Hitler only wanted peace.

A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, and a piece of Turkey.

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

Why can't Paris play chess? Because they don't have their towers (also known as rooks).

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.