Piece jokes
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.