Piece jokes
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
Once upon a time, there was a crow with a piece of cheese in its mouth. Then a fox came, and when he saw the piece of cheese, he tried to trick the crow. He said that the crow's voice was beautiful, and then he said he wanted to hear him sing, so the crow started singing, and then the piece of cheese fell out of his mouth. He said never trust anyone, and then he walked away.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
Q. What's the difference between Trump and a piece of shit? A. Shit isn't orange.
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
What's one piece of stationary gay kids always forget to bring to school? A ruler.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
What do you call that big, useless piece of skin attached to the outside of a vagina?
A woman.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.