Bit

Bit Jokes

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh this, I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

My uncle and I have some what of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out" I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight I told her to keep her chins up

Mom where are we going To your grandma's funeral Yeah cus i 360 no scoped that bit** in the face.

What did the plane say to the tower? ''Yo can I crash at your place for a bit and can my boy crash at your boys place

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearimg them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legs Angel: ok? bit excessive but ok God: and 8 eyes Angel: You need to calm down and li- God: give it a butt rope

If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favourite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it "I'll get you some food once we get off"