Physics jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
Do you know why an atom is positive? He kept his electrons.
The real reason Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
I wish Stephen Hawking could've just walked—oh wait, never mind.
The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.
(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar... no, I'm just kidding.
If I get an atom, I would split it with you.
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?"
The bartender responds, "For you, no charge."
He's fat!
Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.
Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
What do you call Stephen Hawking going fast?
Hot Wheels.