Physics jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
It's true, you know. Stephen Hawking has been up more ramps than Evel Knievel.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with David Beckham?
They both dribble.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because there was only a stairway to heaven and no lifts.
What do atoms and parents have in common to orphans? You can't see either of them.
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
A long-haired child once took a bite of Chuck Norris's brain. He later became known as Albert Einstein.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
What’s impossible?
Steven Walkings.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite type of music?
Rock and Roll.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.