Personal jokes
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
Yo mama is so fat, she has her own personal gravity.
Person: Why? You: No.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast.
This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"
The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"
Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scales, it said, "One person at a time, please!"
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?
LIFE.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.