Personal jokes
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.
What’s a Mexican person’s favorite spot?
Cross country. 😉
I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.
I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
This is the true worst joke ever:
What did the person say to the other guy when he met him?
Hi!
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
What do you call a Black person flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist!
What do you call a person who cares for chickens?
A chicken tender.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.