Personal jokes
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
Person 1: Hi, I am Tom, and you?
Person 2: Andrew?
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
Memes
SO TRUE
What do you call a black person swimming?
Cursed Minecraft image.
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person: Why?
Me: Because he wanted to.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
Orphans: Where are my parents?
Random person: In the bed.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.
Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.
Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!
Person: WTF!
Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
What do you say when a person trips?
You say, "Why you trippin'?"
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?