Performance jokes
What a magic trick, it's so bad!
Too bad, chick.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a "Mic check, one-two."
Singing in the shower is fun, until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.
I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.
Why did the rapper go to space?
Because he wanted to drop some INTERGALACTIC BARS!
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
To find his way to the top of the CHARTS.
Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?
Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always stand out!
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
Why did the rapper go to the beach?
To catch some sick WAVES of applause!