Performance jokes
Louis' IQ is like his running; always two points below average.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
What do you call an Eskimo stripper?
A frosty-tute.
Yo mama so stupid, she shoved two AA batteries up her ass and started singing, "I’ve Got The Power!"
It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Roblox Talent Shows be like:
Host: Next Up is Bob!
Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-
*Buzzing Noises*
Judges: You suck!
Bob: I'm reporting!
*Bob get's kicked from the server*
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she soon found herself homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater, not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her. Every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every Tuesday, just to keep her spirits up.
One Tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange-looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: "I work as a magician in the touring show; today, we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate, but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin."
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.
If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
A LYRICAL ILLUSIONIST
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.