Performance jokes
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Jokers are all about the delivery.
Except abortion jokes...
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
Roblox Talent Shows be like:
Host: Next Up is Bob!
Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-
*Buzzing Noises*
Judges: You suck!
Bob: I'm reporting!
*Bob get's kicked from the server*
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?
Stand up.
What do eggs like doing on stage?
Cracking jokes!
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?
It rocked!
Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.
Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!