Performance jokes
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the stage at the performance?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
How do you know if a homophobic woman that is a Christian nationalist and Catholic is poor enough she would be desperate enough to do anything to pay her bills?
she would be willing to perform anilingus and cunnilingus on women regardless of their sexual orientation in the LGBT community.
What happens when the music note starts to misbehave?
Then he gets into treble!
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.
Me: But you are not standing:)
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
Why was the rapper always calm during performances?
Because he had a rap-titude for chillin'!
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.