Performance jokes
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"
Why did the rapper apologize to the sidewalk?
He didn’t mean to SPIT that hard.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
How do rappers greet each other?
With a "Mic check, one-two."
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
posting Bionicle memes till I'm famous
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
Why don't gay Greek men in Greece perform anilingus on each other?
Because anilingus between two gay men is against the law in Greece.
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
What's the best finger for fingering A minor?
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Is your dad a magician?
Because he magically disappeared.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good? Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the stage at the performance?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.