Performance jokes

Why did the dog join the marching band?

Because he had his trum-bone.

How do rappers keep themselves clean?

They drop SOAP BARS.

Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...

In A minor.

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

What do you call a musician 👩‍🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?

A popsinger.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

He sing, he dance, he he.

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?

A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three. He said, "Uno, dos," and disappeared without a tres!

What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler!

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.

Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."

"Really?" asked a little girl.

"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."