Performance jokes
Why did the rapper go to school?
To master the art of RAP-LETICS!
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
What do you call a white guy who can actually dance? Jewish.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To drop some KNOWLEDGEABLE RHYMES!
Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
To get to the opera.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
What is a group of singing terrorists called? A Taliband.
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?
It rocked!
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
Why did the rapper go to the beach?
To catch some sick WAVES of applause!
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
To find his way to the top of the CHARTS.
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
Why was the rapper always calm during performances?
Because he had a rap-titude for chillin'!
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.