My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.
“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”
Why did the rapper apologize to the sidewalk?
He didn’t mean to SPIT that hard.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?
To keep track of his rhyme time.
Why was the rapper bad at basketball?
He could only dribble rhymes.
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
Why did the rapper always carry a pencil?
In case he had to draw a crowd.
Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, out-standing performance.
Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.
Me: But you are not standing:)
What is it that a 🤔 😳 👀 😕 physicality handicapped ♿ male prostitute can do on his own very well without getting any help from his male friends that are gay like himself?
Perform fellatio on a 👨 👨 👬 gay man.
Is your dad a magician?
Because he magically disappeared.
My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.
Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
She really sucks, and the guy who is with her sucks too.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
To find his way to the top of the CHARTS.
Why did the rapper oil up his notepad?
In case he needed to DROP some FREESTYLE NOTES!
Louis' IQ is like his running; always two points below average.
What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?
HAAAAAANNNNDDDDEEEEEEYYYYEEEEEE!
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
Why did the rapper become an electrician?
Because he wanted to SHOCK the audience with his RHYMES.
What do you call a white guy who can actually dance? Jewish.
