Performance jokes
What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?
Flexin’.
Why was the rapper always calm during performances?
Because he had a rap-titude for chillin'!
Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?
He woke up and found out it was true.
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
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John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?
Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
What do eggs like doing on stage?
Cracking jokes!
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?
He made the cut.