Performance jokes
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.
Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?
Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
Watching porn.
Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
Wanna hear a paper joke? Nvm, it's terrible.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?
He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL!
What kind of tests do rappers always pass?
Sound checks!
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the concert?
So he could DEFINE his own beats!
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Illusion.
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always stand out!