Performance jokes
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Why was the rapper always cold?
Because he kept spitting ice!
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
Music days be like:
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
She really sucks, and the guy who is with her sucks too.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a high five and a mic drop!
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
Why don't gay Greek men in Greece perform anilingus on each other?
Because anilingus between two gay men is against the law in Greece.
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.
Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.
What instrument do skeletons play?
The Trombone!
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(
What a magic trick, it's so bad!
Too bad, chick.
A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three. He said, "Uno, dos," and disappeared without a tres!
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the stage at the performance?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.