Performance jokes
Watching porn.
Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.
Wanna hear a paper joke? Nvm, it's terrible.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?
He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL!
What kind of tests do rappers always pass?
Sound checks!
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the concert?
So he could DEFINE his own beats!
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Illusion.
My grades.
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always stand out!
Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?
He made the cut.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!