What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?
He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL!
What kind of tests do rappers always pass?
Sound checks!
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the concert?
So he could DEFINE his own beats!
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Illusion.
What do you call a gay man that performs fellatio on a man and cunnilingus on a woman, a person who is curious about male bisexuality, a man that is bicurious?
Does it cycle now?
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always stand out!
My grades.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?
He made the cut.
What do you call a magician with no magic? A dyslexic c**t.
My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.
“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”
Why did the rapper apologize to the sidewalk?
He didn’t mean to SPIT that hard.
