Performance jokes
Watching porn.
Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
Wanna hear a paper joke? Nvm, it's terrible.
What kind of tests do rappers always pass?
Sound checks!
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?
He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL!
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the concert?
So he could DEFINE his own beats!
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Illusion.
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always stand out!
What do you call a gay man that performs fellatio on a man and cunnilingus on a woman, a person who is curious about male bisexuality, a man that is bicurious?
Does it cycle now?
My grades.
Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?
He made the cut.