What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Guess who I saw at school today?
Everyone I looked at. loooooooool
Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
What is blue but smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
