People jokes
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
What do you call people with ADHD?
A brainless speeder.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?
Because it's in bread.
Why do Chinese people never play baseball?
Because they always eat the bat.
What do you call an army of autistic people?
Special forces!
Is it just me, or do these gays need to leave me alone?
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
Why can't black people have nightmares? Cause we shot the last one that had a dream.
What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?
They both love to yap and babble, and they always get fondled by old people.
I would call Slade dense, but that would be an insult to rocks.
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."
People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.
You're so fat that people say you're the biggest bird!
I C U P works on 88% of people.
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.