I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
What do people often say in a cold Mexican kitchen?
Brrrrrrito!
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
Things said by racist aliens:
"Some of my best friends are Green."
"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."
"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."
"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"
"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."
"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"
"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."
"Get out of my store you grigger!"
"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.
i dont have any friends if you like this i can be your friend :)
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
My name is Mike Oxmaul, and my friend's name is Hugh Janus!
Why do people keep saying why did the toilet paper not cross because it got stuck in the crack because it got stuck in their crack.
Some people can juggle chainsaws. Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling chainsaws.
Girls with the name Beoni are white.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.
