People jokes
What do depressed people use for emotions online?
They use EMOjis.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
Only really smart people will get this without it being explained.
Toilet paper fight hat.
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
What are intelligent people in the US called?
"Tourist."
What kind of people love donuts in the morning? Cops, because they don't have anything else to do.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
What's the difference between you and the internet? People want a connection from the internet.
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
Why do people love camping?
Because it's in tents!
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"
Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.
How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1.
Me, my brother, and my dad.