People jokes
People: Stop joking about such serious issues!
Me: Kill yourself.
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
If you thought other people’s puns are bad, well, you should sea mine.
Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).
Where are fart bombs made?
Old people's arses!
Where are people sent to die?
Ross Hall academy.
Why do people have sex? Because they're dumb.
People with wheelchairs listen to "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele.
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.
No joke!
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
When a white person says the n word,
black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.