Penis

Penis jokes

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!

(Standing means: penis erection)

My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.

I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.

Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.

  • 0

    • Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

  • 2

    • Lady: Will you fuck me?

    Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

    Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

    Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

    The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."

    I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

    There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

    Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.

    So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.

    This didn't actually happen.

    A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

    There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

    They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

    Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

  • 4

    • Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

    Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

  • 1