Pencil Jokes

What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?

A candle or a pencil!

What does a pencil and a plan of in common?

They were both in the twin towers.

Whats the difference between an orphan and a pencil , People actually have a use for one of them

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.

An image showing a pencil character holding hands with a cartoon girl. Above them text reads: "People make mistakes, that's why pencils have erasers and Cindy has gonorrhea." The word gonorrhea is crossed out with a red line.

What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?

"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.

John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.

"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."

After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.

"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

Playing a game called 7-Up.

Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?

Teacher: It's cheating!

Student: No! It's the object of the game.

As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless

I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.