Pencil jokes
Why did the pencil want to kill himself?
He had no point in life.
Why did Johnny drop his pencil?
To look up girls' skirts! 😬🤯😲😳😱🙀🙊
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
What do you call a pencil with no end?..
Pointless.
You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)
You remind me of a pencil.
Why?
Because at one time, you actually made a valid point. This time, everything is pointless with you around.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Why did the hip-hop artist always carry a pencil?
For those FREESTYLE DRAFTS!
Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.
A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
A broken pencil tried to break the laws of physics. It wasn't very sharp.
Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?
That's okay. There is really no point to it.
Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.
Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."