Pee jokes

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle.

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?

Uranus!

(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)

This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).

Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

Tell someone to spell "Icup."

Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"

Why does a chicken cross the road?

To poop and pee in the potty!

Why are friends a lot like snow?

If you pee on them, they disappear.

What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?

A pee-ano/piano.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.

It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-

Roses are red. Violets are blue, when a sumo saw you, he peed his pants.

Why do women fart when they pee? To blow dry.

What did one ballsack say to another?

"You stay here, I'll go pee."

Pee pee poo poo wall.

A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.

He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.

Kid: Dad, where do you work?

Dad: I.C.U.P.

Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.

Cam likes to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee a lot.

If water makes you laugh, then jokes make you pee.

What is Uludağ made from? Dog pee!

Pee.

When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.

I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.