Parent jokes

What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?

My big green pedo machine.

"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope...

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

Why can’t orphans ride bikes?

Because they don’t have parent supervision.

Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?

Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?

When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.

A boy asks his father:

"What is politics?"

Father answers:

"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

The boy says:

"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home.

Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.

His parents weren't too happy.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.

Orphans have it lucky.

When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."

When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"

Where's your mom?

In the bin.

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.